Arguing can be a healthy part of any relationship if it's done in a constructive and respectful way… (chuckling because it is easier said than done! Trying working with your spouse and puleeeeaze let us know :D)
Arguments are a normal part of any relationship, but when they become frequent or intense, they can take a toll on your marriage. If you find yourself arguing with your spouse more often than you'd like, here are some tips on how to stop the cycle and improve your communication:
Take a break: When emotions are running high, it's important to take a break to cool off. Agree to take a break from the conversation and revisit it when both of you are feeling calmer.
Listen actively: One of the most important skills in any communication is active listening. Listen to your spouse without interrupting or getting defensive, and try to understand their point of view. Repeat back what you heard to ensure that you understand their perspective.
Practice empathy: Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and understand their feelings. Make an effort to understand how your spouse is feeling and show empathy in your responses.
Stay focused on the issue: Arguments can quickly spiral out of control when you start bringing up past grievances or unrelated issues. Stay focused on the current issue at hand and work together to find a solution.
Stick to the issue (that is a repeat): Focus on the specific issue at hand and avoid bringing up past grievances or unrelated issues. This can help keep the conversation focused and prevent it from becoming overwhelming. If you know very well you started the argument and this is about the past - swallow your pride and let your spouse know you’ve misdirected something you meant to address before but never got the courage the address upfront. We’re cowards sometimes but that is a way you can come across as more mature and self-aware vs arguing about something you do not really care about!
Use "I" statements: Avoid blaming or accusing your spouse and instead use "I" statements to express your feelings. For example, say "I feel hurt when you do X" instead of "You always do X."
Walk in their shoes: Practice empathy: Try to understand your partner's perspective and show empathy in your responses. This can help prevent the conversation from becoming hostile and can promote a sense of understanding and cooperation.
Yes - sometimes it is really you….Use "I" statements: Use "I" statements to express how you feel instead of blaming or accusing your partner. For example, say "I feel hurt when you do X" instead of "You always do X."
Find a solution together (that is when taking the time you need to think it through helps!) : Work together to find a solution that works for both of you. Focus on finding a compromise that meets both of your needs instead of trying to "win" the argument. Remember that healthy arguing is about expressing your thoughts and feelings while respecting your partner's perspective. By following these tips, you can improve your communication and strengthen your relationship.
Seek professional help: If arguments are a frequent occurrence and you're struggling to find a solution, consider seeking the help of a professional therapist. A therapist can help you both improve your communication skills and work through underlying issues that may be contributing to the arguments.
While arguing may seem negative, it can actually have some benefits for relationships when done in a healthy way. Here are some potential benefits of arguing:
Improved communication: When done constructively, arguing can help couples communicate more effectively. It provides an opportunity to express thoughts and feelings in a safe and respectful environment, which can lead to better understanding and connection.
Increased understanding: Through arguing, couples may gain a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives, values, and needs. This can lead to greater empathy and compassion, which can improve the overall quality of the relationship.
Conflict resolution: Arguing can help couples work through conflicts and find solutions to problems. When approached in a constructive way, it can help couples identify and address issues that may be negatively impacting their relationship.
Emotional release: Arguing can be a healthy way to release pent-up emotions and frustrations. When done respectfully, it can help couples process and manage their emotions, reducing stress and tension.
Strengthened trust: When couples are able to argue in a healthy and respectful way, it can help build trust and deepen their connection. By knowing that they can express their thoughts and feelings openly without fear of judgment, couples can develop a stronger sense of security and intimacy.
Arguing provides an opportunity for couples to communicate effectively, work through conflicts, and deepen their connection.