***Many Typos Ahead***
This post is going to be about the birth of my son Gabriel. I can’t believe he just turned 4 months. I hope this story resonates with all the mothers out there and encourage future moms. At the very least I hope it puts a smile on your faces!
I was about 8 months pregnant and I knew I was not going to make it to the 9th month mark. I was having terrible contractions. I had three 8 to 10cm fibroids which had grown around my uterus during my pregnancy. I will definitely post about the fibroid curse at a later time. But there I was in the ER for the 5th time screaming and asking for some pain killers. This time they decided to keep me a few days and I was forced to go on mat leave 4 weeks before my expected time.
During my monitoring they noticed a worrisome pattern. My baby’s heart rate would decelerate with every contraction. I was under observation for three days, on the fourth day; I had two OBs debating about my situation. One female OB who wanted to send me home and come back when more dilated and one male OB (in my view he was the department star, you know the A grade student who did all his homework) who strongly objected given the fact that there was no way for us to monitor my baby’s heart rate from home…Duhhhh! After a few hours and the situation getting slightly worse they both came in the room and she was like (I am paraphrasing) "...Yeah it is normal to have two medical opinions in these situations, no one ready knows but…We think we should consider an induction given that the baby looks ready anyway, and to mitigate further complications down the road”. The A+ doctor summarized and concurred. He went: “Are you guys ready for your little one to be induce first thing tomorrow morning?" Ben (my husband) and I looked at each other for a second and said with one breath, “yes we are!”. I added: “But like I said, I want an epidural”. I had to add this because like I said a few times in my birth plan and kept repeating it to whoever would hear it, I NEEDED an epidural. I did not want to die like this. I was sure I would die without. And besides, why not?! All these years of medical advance would not be wasted with me. I will post about my thought about “natural” birth vs. I mean what do they call it “unnatural” “synthetic” deliveries vs. c-sections choices etc. Girl! All I knew is that my spirit was saying yesssss to the epidural route.
THE NIGHT BEFORE
Ben left me for a few hours. Oh man, I needed those hours alone to think about how my life was about to change forever. I took a shower after a few day of not doing so. I could not walk at this point but I so needed to feel human again. I listened to “woman’s worth” the Maxwell version, over and over again. Hospital food sucks. The only thing I could stomach was tuna sandwiches and apple juice so I ordered that. Then I started to panic and needed to keep my mind away from what would happen the next morning. Thank God for YouTube and my ratchet youtubers who kept me abreast of the latest celebrity scandals. Thanks to my Gospel playlist which I will share with y’all “won’t he do it…!”. Thanks social media to keeping me in other people’s business. Thank God for constantly reminding me he was there. Then Ben came back. I asked him how he felt. He said he felt tired. I snapped “what did you just say”. He repeated “ I am tired”. I got angry. I felt frustration. I felt resentment. What does this man know about “a woman’s work???!!”. How does he dare telling ME, The WOMAN, about to give birth, that HE, The MAN, who did not carry the child nor felt the PAIN….that HE, The MAN is …TIREEEEDDD...ARGGGHHHHHH! I may die in a few hours because he HIS child that HE MADE me HAVE. And HE is TIREEEDDD? People, I was so angry…and we argued. And I apologized for being angry. For being scared. For feeling helpless. And alone. And not feeling good enough for Gabi. I mean how was I going to raise him. And what if he did not like me? Etc….etc…and Ben said, again, that he believe I would be a wonderful mom and we would be great parents to Gabi, he held me and comforted me and prayed with me and we both fell asleep.
THE MORNING OF
I opened my eyes. It was 3am ish. The nurses were here. They had to prep me for the epidural. I asked for more time. I needed to take one more shower. I needed to put my hair in a bun. I needed some lip balm. I needed to look at myself in the mirror for along time. I needed to confess. I needed to yield to God. I needed to feel him kick, one more time. I needed to set my mind on not pooping during the delivery. Then I was ready.
So I folded over my knees they applying the numbing cream on my lower back. I refused to look at the needle. I mean, why defeat the purpose of avoiding the pain? Just looking at Ben’s face was enough. I knew the needle was…something not to look at. It was painful going in. It took an hour before I started feeling a difference. No more pinching a pain. No more screaming. Just heavy pressure. More intense pressure. Time to make phone calls to my parents, his parents. Oh God, it is about to happen. Ok. Phone off. The nurses are coaching me to …
***I am paraphrasing***
Nurses: Breathe
Me: What?...Breathe?!
Nurses: Inhale. Exhale as you Push. Inhale. Exhale. Push. Inhale.
Me: Inhale?
Nurse: Yes.
(Inhales)
Me: Inhale?
Nurse: No dummy! Exhale. Now…Push! Push!
Me: Uh?! Puuuuushhh. I think. I think I am Pushing ( Or…Am I pooping?).
Ben: Ooohhh his head is coming oooout!
Nurses:Mama do you want to a mirror to be propped up to see your baby coming out?
Me: Ughhh? Is that an an option? Y….Yessss?...Yes! I want to see! Urgggghhhhhh
Nurse bring mirror….I look.
Me: Ohhhhhh no, bad idea. I do not want to seeeee take it away!
Nurse take it away.
Nurses: Ok. We are going to get the OB now to continue.
OB arrives
I push like crazy. I black out. I feel squirmish warmth on my chest. I scream. I cry. It’s wonderful. It’s him. He’s here. Gabriel. Born at 8:20am on February 2nd 2018. Joy.
Tell me about your delivery story. What stood out? What got you through? If you are expecting, what are your hopes?