Hi guys! How are you doing today? So…what is it with these men exposing themselves like that….in a professional environment! Urghhhh Lol. The #metoo movement has taken a life of its own since Tarana Burke created what was originally a community initiative to connect survivors of sexual violence. #MeToo has been tweeted millions of times - encouraging people across the world to come forward with their stories of harassment and abuse. Some may say it has gotten off course a little or a LOT.
Regardless of how you feel about the movement, it is undeniable that it gave victims of sexually abuse or sexual harassment (men and women) a voice that had grown more and more faint in today’s society. Many more remain to speak their truth but I have heard those who have spoken truly, honestly, and candidly about their ordeal and I hope their get justice.
One story that particularly touched and inspired me was that of Lupita Nyong’o. It is funny how we rationalize predator behavior when we are in a situation, how even when we try to avoid it at all costs, we can still be victims striving for survival. Lupita said: “You see, I was entering into a community that Harvey Weinstein had been in, and even shaped, long before I got there. He was one of the first people I met in the industry, and he told me, “This is the way it is.” And wherever I looked, everyone seemed to be bracing themselves and dealing with him, unchallenged. I did not know that things could change. I did not know that anybody wanted things to change. So my survival plan was to avoid Harvey and men like him at all costs, and I did not know that I had allies in this.” Read her full story here.
I have had many conversation about women friends and colleagues on the topics and it is funny (actually not funny!) how we all had a #metoo story or examples of times we were sexually harassed. NOT courted! I saiiiiiiid SEXUALLY HARRASSED. There is a difference and if you do not know it, I can’t do anything for you, this article is not for you. Please, go read about my other stuff…But yes, as I was saying ALL of us had stories to tell. Even some very young ages.
My friend T is a witness to one of our high school teachers behaving in ways that were inappropriate towards me. We nicknamed him “MAC” for “MACINTOSH” or “MAC IN TOUCH”. This guy was definitely too touchy feely and would always asked me to stay after class for something or come back to class for something. T and I had a very effective buddy system where she would always come with me or stay outside the classroom. Mr. Mac did not like T at all! Thanks girl, who knows what may have happened…URGH! But given the fact that we were still minors, that story probably belongs in another category. A category I want to share about more in depth at a later time.
During the heat of the #metoo debate an old story came back to mind and I thought I’d share it with you. It is not Harvey Weinstein scenario…but damn that was awkward…! Actually, it was a Harvey Weinstein scenario when I think about it! OMG.
So it was about 11 years ago. I was a broke university student in Montreal trying to make it out there in these streets! At the time, I was studying hard and had plenty of time to pursue one of my passion: modelling.
*Sips Tea* Yep – That is an industry swarming with creeps!
So, I got in touch with this photographer to work on a portfolio. I had seen his work online and thought it would be great to work on a few concepts together and see where that may take me. We spoke a few times. I knew about his steep fees. And yes, I was a broke student but I kept cheaping out on groceries to save the money for that shoot. Plus I asked my boyfriend to chip in. Damn! His money was my money at that time lol!
Ok. So we set a date for an appointment at his studio. We discussed outfits. A couple of changes of clothes including a bikini.
Yep – You are giving me a *side eye* now because you know this is a #metoo story! But that is actually a very common for women wanting to work in that industry.
So I take down the address and a couple of weeks later, I get my bag ready and set out on my way super excited to my first ever professional photoshoot (which I am paying for! Lol). I get my bus. I get my subway. I get my bus. I get off at the stop and start walking looking for this address. Hmmm…This area looks RESIDENTIAL.
*Sips Tea* Yeah…Ah well! It is very common for artists to work in their own homes.
I ring the doorbell. Someone opens the door. He looks a bit older than his professional photo (of course). He’s a tall and skinny, early 40 something white guy. Extra nice. Extra professional. He shows me his studio. We chit chat. I am thinking to myself cool! I am about to kill this shoot!
Changing clothes. Testing lights. Shooting a few. Checking the photos. Wow…I look beautiful! Damn he’s good. I compliment him. Cool! Next change of clothes. Here comes the bikini shoot. So I go change, I put my bikini on. I put some oil on my ashy knees and elbows and I come out. He leaves the room for a second to an adjacent room. I wait.
He comes back into the studio…..but something looks different about that man. He’s NAKED now!
I look down. I smile. I chuckle. Not that there was anything wrong with him per say…I mean I learned to judge people by the content of their character lol…but I was just in shock. It’s like I had stepped out of my body and was looking down at the entire situation. I thought about how I got there. I thought about Urghhh…I don’t think I want to do this. I thought about my outstanding GPA and how dumb this entire predicament was. I thought about if something bad had happened how I would not have been able to tell ANYONE about this because I put myself in this position. I said “I am soooooo sorry…I can’t do this! I am really really sorry …but I can’t do this”. He was definitely deflated (no pun intended) from the time I chuckled already but it was like he was kind of frozen there and did not know what to do for a min. He said “Oh. I am really sorry. I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable”. Oh really bruhhhhh….! So most of your clients lighten up when you walk up in the middle of a shoot naked?!
He stepped back into the adjacent room. I never got to put my clothes back on so fast in my life but I was ready with my sneakers on and my bus pass in my pass in my hand ready to go when he came back. He kept apologizing profusely. I just wanted to get out. He said he’d still send me all the pictures he took for free! Hmmm…
*Sips Tea* I should have sued! But my parents were going to kill me anyway if this came out at that time so… yep. I chose life instead.
Anyway he emailed me the photos and we never were in touch again. I laughed the whole thing off but I get chills down my spine when I think back about how things could have taken a turn for the worst. Nobody knew the address I was at. I had some tea when I arrived, it could have been drugged. He could have forced himself on me regardless. I felt sooooo extremely lucky. I was so naïve. But eh. Such is life, we live and we learn.
It is not the worst #metoo story out there but there it is. I know what it is like to have someone show you their privates unexpectedly in what is supposed to be a professional setting. It is …something. And I had zero real stake in the game. I can understand how some women who believe that their entire livelihoods/careers/dreams depend on one pig, decide that maybe it is not that bad of a price to pay. I am not saying anyone should give it. What I want to say is that 1) I am not judging these women 2) no men or women should ever have to make a choice between their career and sexual agency because of some pig in the room.
What are your thoughts about the whole #metoo movement? Do you believe the #metoo movement actually makes a difference? Do you think my story actually belongs in the #metoo sphere or elsewhere? Do you have a #metoo story to share? Let me know below.