Today, Ben and I attended the church’s men’s breakfast, and they made it a coed event. It was such a blessing to sit there together, sharing in something meant to nurture marriages. Whatever you water will grow, and it’s a privilege to carve out time for these things—marriage conferences, breakfasts, anything that helps us grow closer.

We’ve prayed for so much when it comes to our family, and we've been fortunate to see some of those prayers answered. But we've also faced tough seasons—moments of grief, disappointments, even times when we wondered if we’d make it through. I can honestly say, we didn’t cross those hurdles on sheer willpower alone. Prayer, faith, and support carried us. And while that journey might not seem Instagram-worthy to some, this is your reminder, couples:

**Make time to go deeper, together.** Relationships don’t thrive on autopilot.

Here’s what we were reminded of today:

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**1. Embrace Your Vulnerabilities**

Let’s be real—marriage isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. You have to talk about the uncomfortable stuff, like unmet expectations. I thought it was "la-la land" to share some of mine at first, but we learned that nothing can change unless you *name* it.

Take this example: I used to resent Ben for a while after we couldn’t close on our house. I didn’t even realize how much it affected me until I finally said it out loud, “I felt so frustrated that we missed that opportunity, and honestly, I blamed you a little.” It wasn’t fun to say, but it needed to be said.

Or how about this? You might expect him to keep that six-pack, or at least one ab intact, 😅 while he’s expecting you to maintain a spotless house (even with two kids running around!). If you don’t share those expectations, they can quietly turn into resentment. You might say, "I know I said I’d handle all the cleaning, but honestly, I don’t enjoy it—and I could use your help."

It can look like, “Sometimes I don’t feel like a great spouse. I’m struggling—will you still love me through this?” Vulnerability opens the door to true love. It’s not about pretending everything’s fine; it’s about admitting when it’s not.

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**2. Don’t Build Your Relationship on Other People’s Expectations**

Here’s the thing: Ben and I don’t fit the “traditional” mold people often expect. And that’s okay! For example, if I’m venting about something and Ben just sits there, silently nodding like some people say a partner *should*—oh, I’d be mad! 😆 I want him to jump in, talk things out, and solve it with me ASAP. But that’s *us*.

In other relationships, someone might be totally happy with a silent listener. But you can’t shape your relationship based on what the world says it should look like. Too many people are stuck in a loop, living out some version of a relationship they’ve seen on TV or in other couples’ lives, and it leads to frustration. Be real about what you need, and don’t follow a script that doesn’t work for you.

For example, I once thought we had to attend every single family event together because that's what "good" couples do. But after a while, I realized it was draining us. Now, we pick and choose which gatherings align with *our* values and energy. It’s freeing to step out of the expectations game.

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You might say, "I know I said I’d handle all the cleaning, but honestly, I don’t enjoy it—and I could use your help."

**3. Three Relationships You Need**

Here are three types of relationships we’ve found essential:

- **A Mentor**: Find someone who’s been where you want to go. Early on in our marriage, we connected with a couple who had been married for 30 years. They’ve been through everything—kids, career changes, even a brief separation. Their wisdom helped us navigate some of our own early bumps in the road. If you want financial advice, ask someone who’s financially stable, not someone struggling. The same goes for marriage advice—learn from those who’ve thrived.

- **A Faith-Based Community**: Having people who can lift you up spiritually has been a game changer for us. Whether it's through Bible study groups or just casual coffee meetups with other couples, being surrounded by people who remind you to put God at the center keeps you grounded.

- **An Outsider**: This one’s important—someone completely outside your circle of daily life. No family, no church, no work connections. Just a person you can talk to with zero strings attached. For me, it’s a friend from my old college days who lives out of state. When I need to vent or just hear a fresh perspective, she’s my go-to. There’s no gossip, no cross-pollination with anyone else in my life—just a safe space to be real.

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**4. Cultivate a Rhythm of Prayer**

Let’s be honest—life is busy, y’all! 😅 I’ve never had more on my plate than I do now, but I still make time for prayer. It’s become the anchor that centers me when life gets chaotic. And here’s the kicker: no one can heal who they pretend to be. When I pray, I get real with God. I’m not trying to fake it or perform. That’s the only way I can grow.

For some, prayer looks like taking a quiet walk; for others, it’s kneeling in deep meditation, or even belting out worship songs in the shower. However you connect, find your rhythm with God. And remember, it’s not about quick fixes or magic tricks. It’s about showing up consistently, even when it’s hard.

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In conclusion….We’re not saying life is going to get easier overnight. But what we *are* saying is that the grass we already have—the life we’re already living—looks greener and greener each day when we take time to nurture it. We’ve learned to be grateful for what’s in our hands, right here and now, whether it’s a good season or a tough one. Less "should’ve, could’ve, would’ve" and more appreciating the beauty of the moment we’re in. What a beautiful season to live in! I hope this encourages you to see the green in your own life, and to keep watering it.

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#MarriageGrowth #ItGetsGreener #RealRelationships #GratitudeInGrowth #MarriageAdvice #CouplesThatPray #LifeWillTell #LivingInTheNow

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