Ohhhh the heartbreak! It does not matter how it happens, when someone breaks your heart, it can feel like life has no meaning and one can turn into a shell of who they used to be. It hurts. I understand. I have been through a couple myself including one that still affects me today. Yep, sometimes the pain is there to stay. Sometimes, it is ok to feel that pain once in a while and use it as a catalyst to fully embrace all the wonderful other things that await for you in the future.

Here are 5 things that have helped me, which maybe could help you too… with the struggle in your youth!  Sorry, I do not intentionally want to make light of this. This is deep emotional stuff, and I usually cope with these things through humor. Bear with me!

Feel the Hurt

Like Jack Bower used to say when he had his enemies in a chokehold “Relax! Don’t fight it! Don’t fight it! “It is ok to feel sad. It is ok to reminisce and deal with the pain, knot after knot. It is ok if it is taking a while. You will think about all the promises that will never come to be. All the secrets that you never thought you’d share with anyone. It may take you weeks, months, years but remember these are necessary mending steps to ensure your heart is in the right place. A heartbreak is a bit similar to grieving. You grieve the potential lost, you grieve the bright future you envisioned with that person. You grieve all the time you invested loving that person like you never loved anyone else before.

Here is a list of songs that can help you:

• Heartbreak Hotel, Whitney Houston
• If You Don’t Know Me by Now, Simply Red
• Feelings, Nina Simone
• Me, Myself, and I, Beyoncé

Do Not Listen to “Someone Like You” from Adele! It is FULL of lies and backsliding. It will NOT help you! Lol

Forgive Them and Forgive Yourself

They say there is always three sides to a story. Their side, your side, and the truth. Do not get lost in your own self-righteousness and take time to meditate on the truth. Learning from the truth will lead you to forgive yourself and forgive the other person for the pain, the enablement, the deceit.

Express Gratefulness

With every trial comes a lesson that takes you to another level as a person. Be grateful to have loved, but do not be bitter. Many people take that feeling for granted, but plenty will never experience it in a lifetime. You have loved before. You will love again. Be grateful that you will love smarter next time. Be grateful that you have become a stronger person, that you have become a wiser person, that you now have something to teach others, that you can now empathize with other people around you.

Invest in Yourself

Loving in a toxic relationship or fighting for something which was never meant to be takes so much out of you emotionally, physically, and financially (ohhh that is a significant painpoint for some!). Now you get the time, enjoy it by feeding your mind with great thoughts, feeding your belly with good things, and make sure to work on that fourth pack you have been dreaming of for years lol. Go whiten your teeth! You’ve been talking about it for 3 years! lol

Invest in Others

Time is of the essence. I found that investing time in my friends, family, coworkers, church, community building initiatives made me a much happier person. I had less time for self-pity and such a great sense of accomplishment knowing that I made a positive impact on others. So go out there! Volunteer, coach, teach, assist, babysit, or start something new!

Last, please talk to your real friends about this. Talk to your prayer group. Talk to your pastor (or equivalent). Talk to a parent if you have that close of a relationship with them. If you are experiencing depression symptoms, you should definitely speak to a professional. You do not even need to see them in person as there are many remote and affordable resources you can tap into like TalkSpace.. Talkspace is an online and mobile therapy company based in New York City. It was founded by Oren and Roni Frank in 2012. Talkspace users have access to licensed therapists through the website or mobile app on iOS and Android. The bottom line is you are not alone.

Have you ever been in  luuuuv? Lol Have you ever had your heart broken? Are you over it? How do you cope with it? Please share below.